Chinese Culture, Good or Bad???

I just had a random conversation with a girl.. And this is really interesting.. I will use Indonesian for this post.

Semua orang tahu, bahwa yg namanya orang Chinese kebanyakan harus punya pasangan hidup orang Chinese lagi.. Apalagi mereka yang masi punya ortu Chinese yang sangat mempertahankan budaya Cina. Unfortunately, hal ini banyak banget terjadi di Central Java alias daerah2 sekitar Jawa Tengah dan DIY. Yah, Jogja, Magelang, Solo, Semarang, dan kota2 kecil d dalam kawasan Jawa Tengah. Jadi jangan heran kalo ketika orang Cina Jawa Tengah menikah, pasti pasangannya kebanyakan sekitaran Jawa Tengah juga. Yogya-Solo lah, Yogya Magelang lah, Semarang-Purwokerto, udah berasa kayak jalur bus aja. LOL. Rasanya ini udah jadi kebudayaan, dan mereka hanya hidup di lingkungan sekitar mereka. Ibarat ga punya hidup di dunia luar gitu, hidupnya lempeng2 aja disana. Apalagi mereka-mereka yang berwiraswasta. Hal ini cukup berbeda dengan orang Cina di Jakarta yang menurutku berpandangan lebih terbuka (according to my sister’s story). Khususnya orang-orang yg hidup di dunia kerja dan bertemu orang2 dari segala jenis suku, etnis, agama.

Di Yogya, gak perlu heran kalo si Om A bertanya sama kita, “Kamu anaknya siapa? Ortumu kerja apa?” atau “Oh, kamu anaknya si B toh..” Kayaknya orang2 Cina satu Jogja udah kenal satu sama lain dan sangat memperhatikan reputasi orang tua kita. Padahal hellooo??? Ngefek gitu ya orang tua kita siapa? Males banget apa-apa bawa-bawa orang tua. Kita ya harus dinilai dari diri kita sendiri, apa achievement yg udah kita capai. Kita jadi hebat ya karena usaha dan kerja keras kita sendiri, bukan pengaruh nama orang tua. Dan kalo kita hebat, itu berarti kita punya orang tua yg hebat juga, karena mereka bisa bikin anaknya jadi orang hebat. Kasian banget anak-anak yang ditentang hubungan pernikahannya cuma karena orang tua mereka ga cocok satu sama lain, ortu A menganggap reputasi ortu B jelek. Well, nothing else i can say… Just open your mind people.

Mungkin ajaran-ajaran seperti ini yang kemudian ditangkap mentah-mentah oleh anak-anak seumuranku. Yah remaja dan para muda-muda yang udah mulai memikirkan cinta. Orang tua akan sangat mewanti-wanti apabila anak mereka punya pasangan, ditanyain asal usul pasangannya, dlsb. Dan sekali lagi entah kebetulan atau enggak, kebanyakan lingkup pergaulan orang-orang Cina Jogja ya cuma sekitaran Jawa Tengah lagi! Mungkin karena banyaknya orang-orang luar Jogja yang pd menuntut ilmu ke Jogja kali ya, sebagai kota terdekat yang punya universitas swasta bereputasi cukup baik.

Pergaulan orang-orang Cina di Jogja yah bisa dibilang sama aja dengan kebanyakan kota laen. Mereka nongkrong, dugem, karoke, join klub mobil, hura-hura, nge-wine, apa aja deh. Khususnya pria-pria berduit yang mengandalkan uang mereka buat dapetin cewek-cewek bohai. Dari sini banyak juga loh cerita-cerita tentang wanita simpenan. Gak usah menutup mata, tau sendiri anggota klub mobil di Jogja pasti secara fisik sangat gak oke, tapi mereka bisa bawa cewek-cewek bodi model dengan full makeup dan high heels. And yeah, jelas aja itu semua dibiayai oleh para pria itu, shopping, salon, spa, eat. What could u expect anymore? Living your life like a princess, party everyday. Hal ini menimbulkan pro dan kontra sendiri buat aku. Di satu sisi, kayaknya enak banget hidup kayak gitu, gak usah mikirin apa-apa, duit bukan masalah, semua yg kamu mau bisa kamu dapetin, kecuali… pacar yg good looking. LOL. Tapi di sisi lain mereka patut juga dikasihani, sekali lagi karena mereka ga punya achievement apapun. Masi inget donk Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, dimana self-actualization mereka??? Apa yang mereka cita-citakan, apakah sudah tercapai? Apa mereka cukup puas cuma dengan party dan hura-hura setiap saat? If yes, then they are so shallow.

Ada satu kisah nyata yang bikin aku sangat geleng-geleng, entah karena mendengar ada cewek segila itu, atau karena denger ada cowok sebodoh itu. Si cowok, bisa dibilang sudah lumayan berumur, sudah bekerja, cukup kaya, dengan fisik yang pas-pasan. Si cewek, sudah lulus kuliah, tidak bekerja, penampilan modis, barang-barang bermerek (entah berasal dari mana aja, dan entah asli ato palsu), kondisi keluarga berkecukupan. Reputasi si cewek udah lumayan terkenal sebagai cewek yang super borjuis, dalam segala hal. Tiba-tiba kedua orang ini bertemu dan si cowok mulai mengejar si cewek. Cowok yang super kaya ini kerja di luar kota (deket sih), dan setiap hari pulang ke kota ini buat menemui si cewek. Mereka hampir setiap hari dinner bareng di tempat yang super mahal, dengan pesenan yg slalu sangat mahal. Infonya untuk makan sama cewek ini si cowok selalu habis sekitar 600ribu. Dan lebih parahnya si cewek ga mau makan di tempat laen. Setiap akhir minggu si cewek selalu harus belanja, dan tentunya dengan uang si cowok. Ini sih pasti udah sering denger ya. Yang paling yahud dan luar biasa adalah si cewek minta dibeliin cincin seharga puluhan juta dan si cowok mengabulkannya, padahal faktanya adalah mereka nggak akan menikah, bahkan pacaran aja nggak!!

Ngedengerin cerita ini yang bisa aku katakan cuma, “Ada ya orang yg hidupnya kayak gitu?” Ini lebih hebat dan lebih berandai-andai daripada sinetron sekalipun..

Well, no judging. I’m also a Chinese woman. I’m just telling my mind, my version. Maybe because i live in this modern era and not really aware or influenced by those Chinese cultures.

Anyway, kenyataan ini tidak berlaku untuk semua orang Cina di Jogja yap, cuma sample dari beberapa komunitas. Thanks for reading!! ;)

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Well, i’m providing the translation!! :)

So, everybody knows, that most of Chinese people must have Chinese partner for their couples. Specially them, whose parents keep the existence of the old and strict Chinese cultures till this modern day. Unfortunately, this thing often happens in Central Java, like Jogja, Magelang, Solo, Semarang, and the other towns inside Central Java. So dont be amazed when u find that Jogja-Chinese will have a marriage with Solo-Chinese, or maybe Yogya-Magelang. Looks like a bus route. LOL. It feels like this becomes our culture, and they only live in their environment, Chinese environment. And they are not open their mind to another things outside their boundaries, specially the Chinese entrepreneurs, who build their kingdom in Jogja. This is kinda different with the Chinese people who live in Jakarta (according to my sister’s story). They’re just more open minded, specially those who work in a company, maybe because they work in a multicultural environment, they meet with lots of people from different race, religion, region.

In Yogya, u will often hear someone ask u, “Who’s your parents? What they do for life?”  Look like Chinese in Jogja knows each other, well beside the fact that Jogja is a small city. And these people are really considering their reputation each other, our parents’ reputation. Oh please, hellooo??? Is it matter so much who is our parents? I’m so pissed everytime people bring our parents to judge us. We should be judged by ourselves, our value, what we can achieve, not our parents! We become great because what we did, our efforts, not because a parent’s name. And if we become great, that means that we have a great parent also, because they can make their child big!Well, but sometimes parent’s name still considered sufficient. Anyway, it’s really sad for people who cant get married just because any oppositions by the parents. Parents dont click each other, or maybe the reputation is lower than the other. U know, something like that. Well, nothing else i can say… Just open your mind people.

Maybe these kind of doctrines that young people’s accepted. Specially anything relates to love. Parents will be really aware with their child’s spouse, like the origin of him/her, parents, job, everything. And when they find something wrong, they will not let the relationship continue. Believe me! I already knew many cases of that. And once again, coincidence or not, the young people in Jogja will live in the same circle with their parents, same environment, around Central Java. Maybe influenced by so many people that come to Jogja, to continue their study in university, as a nearest city which has many eligible universities.

About the lifestyle of young people in Jogja, just like another city. They hanging out, clubbing, going to karaoke, joining a car community, etc. Specially rich guy who can easily gets sexy chick from his money. Many stories about mistress and affair too!! No need to fake it or keep it silent, average members of car community have a so-so look, not okay at all physically. But they can have a beautiful gf easily, sexy with a model body, and of course  full of makeup plus high heels. And yeah, it’s really obvious that the guy pays for all of it, shopping, salon, spa, eat. What could u expect anymore? Living your life like a princess, party everyday. This thing builds a pro and contra for me. At one side, i think it’s really nice to have a life like that, u dont need to worry about money, u can have everything u want, except…a good looking boyfriend perhaps? LOL. But at the other side, i feel pity for her, because once she doesnt have any achievements. If u remember about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, where’s her self-actualization??? What they dream, what they really wanna do, has it happened yet? Are they satisfied enough by all of those parties, how they look? If yes, then they are so shallow.

There’s one real story that i’ve just heard. And it was really confused me, amazed me. I dont know whether the girl is kinda crazy or the guy that’s so so stupid. The guy, quite old, have a job, physical look under average. The girl, graduated from university, not working, fashionable enough, full of branded items (dont know if it’s real or fake), and comes from rich enough family. The girl is quite famous because of her reputation as a bourgeois girl, in everything. Suddenly they met each other and the guy had feeling to the girl and decided to chase her. This guy works outside the town (quite near actually) and that’s where he lives, and comes to town almost everyday to meet the girl. They have dinner in a fancy restaurant with extremely expensive menus. The info said the guy spends his money about 600K to dinner, for one dinner and it happens almost everyday. And the worse thing is the girl refuses to eat at another place. The girl has to go shopping every weekend, that’s not really surprising right. The most surpising thing was the girl ever asked about a ring that costs million rupiah. She asked the guy to buy it for her, and surprisingly he did it! He did it! I meant, they arent married yet, and they aren’t in relationship either! 

I was like, what?!? How can be a man as stupid as him? How can be a life like that?! It’s drama, it’s more than a drama! This is just too imaginative to imagine.

Well, no judging. I’m also a Chinese woman. I’m just telling my mind, my version. Maybe because i live in this modern era and not really aware or influenced by those Chinese cultures.

Anyway, this fact doesn’t apply to every Chinese in Jogja, it’s only a sample from some communities. Thanks for reading!! ;)

xoxo,