Friday, May 28, 2010

Two Hearts (Part 4)

My phone alarm is ringing loudly. The tears are still in my eyes.

Oh thank God, it was just a dream.. I thought i really fall into forbidden love like that. I’d rather be alone than do a stupid thing like that. But i aint finish anything. Yeah, it’s tonight. The time is here. No more bad scenario. I wish.

I guess my feeling for him is just temporary. Or only a lust maybe. Yepp, when i didnt meet him for a week, it’s just blew away. I feel nothing to him. Isnt it a great sign to over this?

“What do u wanna say?” he asked me.

“Uhm, i guess i dont want to do this anymore. I dont want to be the interuptor of your relationship. And since your gf doesnt know anything about us, please just let it disappears. We have to end this.”

“Is that what u want? I thought u love me.”

“I did. And yes, i’m sure about this. I like u, n i wish i can be with u like usual, but as a close friend, not a lover.”

He’s cold. He doesnt say any words.

“Please? i’m begging u. U have to let me go. U have your own love. It’s not for me. I cant expect anything from u. Dont u feel sorry for me?”

“Fine. If that’s what u want. I’m okay. I hope u get the best.”

“Thanks. I will. I will get the one who loves me and will never share his love to the other. Haha..”

“Hey! U’re just offend me!” he yelled at me. We both start laughing.

I’m glad. I finally could say it.

****** S ******

Dedicated to all girls, who feel stupid of being someone else’s girl. lol. Dont let your temporary feeling make u fall.

Puisi BJ Habibie untuk Almarhumah Istri

Sebenarnya ini bukan tentang kematianmu, bukan itu.

Karena, aku tahu bahwa semua yang ada pasti menjadi tiada pada akhirnya,

dan kematian adalah sesuatu yang pasti,

dan kali ini adalah giliranmu untuk pergi, aku sangat tahu itu.

Tapi yang membuatku tersentak sedemikian hebat,

adalah kenyataan bahwa kematian benar-benar dapat memutuskan kebahagiaan dalam diri seseorang, sekejap saja, lalu rasanya mampu membuatku menjadi nelangsa setengah mati, hatiku seperti tak di tempatnya, dan tubuhku serasa kosong melompong, hilang isi.

Kau tahu sayang, rasanya seperti angin yang tiba-tiba hilang berganti kemarau gersang.

Pada airmata yang jatuh kali ini, aku selipkan salam perpisahan panjang,

pada kesetiaan yang telah kau ukir, pada kenangan pahit manis selama kau ada,

aku bukan hendak megeluh, tapi rasanya terlalu sebentar kau disini.

Mereka mengira aku lah kekasih yang baik bagimu sayang,

tanpa mereka sadari, bahwa kaulah yang menjadikan aku kekasih yang baik.

mana mungkin aku setia padahal memang kecenderunganku adalah mendua, tapi kau ajarkan aku kesetiaan, sehingga aku setia, kau ajarkan aku arti cinta, sehingga aku mampu mencintaimu seperti ini.

Selamat jalan,

Kau dari-Nya, dan kembali pada-Nya,

kau dulu tiada untukku, dan sekarang kembali tiada.

selamat jalan sayang,

cahaya mataku, penyejuk jiwaku,

selamat jalan,

calon bidadari surgaku ....



Sungguh menyedihkan…dan menyentuh… Bener2 salut akan kisah cinta sepanjang usia ini.. Semoga Pak Habibie diberi ketabahan selalu :)


xoxo, S

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Villa Crab, Sundak Beach, Wonosari, Yogyakarta

Holaaa.. i was searching for a villa near Sundak Beach or another beach in Wonosari.. We found some villas, small and big.. cheap n expensive.. And finally we found this villa..

Villa Crab.. I admit that this is so so beautiful, cool, perfect for holiday!! They have 3 cottages and 1 coffee shop in a hill. And the beach is just in your down side. We can go to the beach directly.. It’s really awesome! But the price, is just a piece of crap also.. Haha.. Rent price is 15 million rupiahs for 24 hours. With max number of person is 10 ppl. Well, there’s already electricity, n they serve the foods also.. Lobster, Sea fishes, chicken.. But really, the view is extremely beautiful.


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Saturday, May 22, 2010

Celebrate!! ♥♥♥

Ahaaaa!! I forgot to keep posting about my personal fun things!!hihihi.. So recently i often went out for karaoke, made some crazies video, danced like in the dance floor.. Haha, just some fun crazy stuffs.. And lots of birthday blast in this April n May.. Keep surprising the birthday people.. hihihi.. and yeah, celebrate those joy and happiness.. Me likey!! And not to forget that in every party there’s any chances to dress up..haha..

*ven’s bday*

what i wore : forever21 floral dress and vintage jeans jacket



*ling’s surprise n bday dinner*

what i wore : gvgv dress (up pic), mango top, forever21 bandage skirt, charles and keith sandals (below pic)

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what i wore : retro dress, f21 bandage skirt, outter vest


*tepho’s bday*

what i wore : vintage classic dress (i really love this stuff ), skinny belt, and white sandal (love this new stuff also)

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And there’s still another surprise and party tomorrow..hehehe..i’ll give the post later :)




Thursday, May 20, 2010


Kenapa sih harus ada skripsi?? Penting ga sih?? arghhh!! I’m going crazy!! >,< Sudah mulai mencapai titik stress ni tampaknya.. Ngutak ngatik segambyok sheet excel yg semua brisi angka2.. Oh Tuhan… Tolong sayaaa… Jangan biarkan saya menyerah… Huaaaa… Perjalanan masi panjang… Tp udah berasa down gini… T_T

Harus memotivasi diri sendiri.. Ngeliat temen2 udah tinggal pendadaran.. Hrs jd motivasi buat cepetan selesaiin skripsi deh!! Yang paling utama adalah kebebasan setelah dinyatakan lulus… Waaaaa,, cant wait for that!! :D





Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Two Hearts (Part 3)

“Where are u? Why i cant call u? I’m panic.. Tell me where u are now..” He texted me. So this is the 2nd time i make him panic. haha.. The first one wasnt on purpose though.  But this time, i really mean it. I just wanna know his reaction. How stupid i am. What did  i do?! I just made a decision yesterday.. Now i made this scenario, really bad scenario.. Now that he’s searching on me hardly, i know i just gonna feel harder to let him go. Really..

He found me. He knows where i am. “Please dont do this to me.. I’m freaking out u know?!” He hugs me tight.

“I’m sorry.. I just wanna be alone”.

“If this is the way u wanna be alone, i wont leave u alone. I will accompany u. I cant hear anything from u. I was scared u know.. I dont want something bad happen to u, babe..”

Oh, stop it please!! Now what can i do? I’m melting. Every girls will melt when a guy they love treats her like this. “Why are u keep looking for me? I thought we are over now. U already chose your plan A.”

“Please, it’s not about plan A or B, okay?! It’s about how i feel about u. I also never thought before that i will go as far as this. I love you. That’s it. Please, come back to me.”

I cant say any words. He hugs me and kisses me like there’s nobody here.. And my tears are going down. I guess i just fall in love. A forbidden love.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Two Hearts (Part 2)

So after the girl left town, we meet up. I feel unright. Feel no comfort anymore. And i just realized that everytime i’m with him, we should keep hiding that there’s something between us. Cant hold his hand, cant hug each other. So what’s the good thing? You know, it’s your touch and hug that makes me feel like heaven. Haha..

I should listened to the people. It’s my own choice. I chose to start it, now it’s me who can end this.

Yeah, we meet up. I tell him, i cant stay with this situation. I cant hold the hurt longer. It’s my foul till i come to your love life. I’m not supposed to be there. There’s should be only u and your girl. That’s it. I know that i wasnt serious at the first time. This was just for fun.. We’re going with the flow. But my feeling was going deeper and deeper. And i cant handle it. And it’s wrong. If we through this any longer, i’m afraid i cant let u go.

If u dont wanna see me hurted, just let me go. U know i cant expect anything from u. Why should i stick with someone who cant give me what i need? I’m like a broken strings. And that song is definitely fits me.

Yepp, i think this is the best. For me. Cause what’s best for u is your plan A. 

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Two Hearts (Part 1)

I cant believe that it will hurt me. Till i cry like this. It started with some coincidences, or not maybe? That he already chose me from the first time he saw me. That’s what he said. And finally i came to him. But I already promise to myself that i’ll never asking or complaining about his girl. Yeah, i will think that he’s single. Done. But since we started a conversation about that thing yesterday, now i cant stop thinking about it.

And i did hurt. Thinking what will he do with the girl for the following days. I’m jealous. Danggg! He must be forget about me. I know I’m not supposed to feel too deep with a guy like him. But it happened already. Now what? Can i rewind the time? Back to last night? I should clear everything last nite. It should be a goodbye..

I was just thinking that he’s probably forgetting me, but then his name appeared on my phone. I was like, surprise!! Oyeah, he’s in front of my home now, across the street, with his girl inside the car. What a lovely condition eh?! Are u INSANE??!! And i feel a ‘gadogado’ feeling rite now.. I feel happy cause the fact that he remembers me, but i feel sorry to his girl, and i feel hurt also. Haha.. This is so funny.. How could i do this?!

God, if only i could rewind the time.. Back to last night. I definitely would tell him to be good, stick with his girl. Dont look to any other girls again. Since he had the thought to marry with this girl. And he told me that someday i will find a good guy for me. Which is definitely NOT HIM. What do i expect anymore?? See, it’s full of questioning..

Do u think i’m stupid? Cos i know i am. It’s me who will get hurt at the end, becos i know everything. The girl wont hurt if she knows nothing. So the point is i’m stupid, i hurt the girl undirectly, but i also get hurt. Hahaha… But why i still do this?

It’s wrong from the first time. I know that i will loose at the end. It’s even better not to start it. How to end it??

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Journey of Thesis (Part 7)

Hahahhaa… after making so many excuses to do my thesis.. yaitu KKN, KKN, dan KKN.. yah emank kmaren2 sempet sibuk banget sih, ga tidur gara2 ngerjain laporan KKN sialan. i did courage myself to meet my lecturer again..hohoho.. i was afraid by the way.. Takut kalo beliau judes ato marah.. hehe, walaupun dipikir2 juga ga mungkin kan..

Kemaren begitu ketemu sempet dijudesin dulu.. hehe.. Lalu mulai lah rayuan maut dan curcol2 laennya.. Jujur aja, saya takut ketemu bu yanti.. Takut dimarahin.. gara2 ga bimbingan.. hehehe.. Eh, si ibu malah bilang, “ya kalo kamu lebih lama ga bimbingan malah tambah saya marahin!” hihihii.. Iya2 buu.. So everything went perfectly.. yayy! :D glad to met her.. really!! no more fears to meet her :)

Ngomong2 soal KKN, akhirnya sabtu kemaren udah ujian.. Sempet eyel2an juga sm si SHD itu.. grrrr,,kesel banget deh sama dosen yg ga mau dibantah.. fakk! udah ngerasa plg bener gitu pak? masi harus revisi laporan lagii.. grrrr… And i wont do the revision! No way!! BIG NO! gila aja, mati2an usaha dan ga tidur demi laporan.. sementara mayoritas yg laen santai2 dan enak2 tidur tanpa bikin laporannya. PEDULI AJA NGGA DONKS.. helooo? itu laporan kalian juga kan?!?! ceritanya sih sebagai anak muda dgn idealisme tinggi,,hahaha.. dan rasa ga tega kalo ga bikin laporan. tapi gila yah, kalo sampe nilai kita sama.. pengen banget NYORET itu nama2 GA BERGUNA dari laporan!! =( so sorry, emosi selalu naek kalo ngomongin hal ini.. hfuhh!!

Enough! It’s time to focus on my thesis.. Masih berharap bisa wisuda bulan July, tapi pesimis juga. Krn setelah kmaren share sm harris, tyt kalo mau wisuda july, max daftar ujian tgl 15 juni..huaaaa!! Padahal ni masi ngubrek2 dataa… nangissss >,< knapa juga aku pilih topik yg susah2 yah?? hedeh2.. Sudah lah, stop complaining!! Do the best n let God do the rest :)




Saturday, May 8, 2010

Hair :’(

I miss my long hair.. Dun care whether it’s straight or curly.. black or colored.. It’s just LONG =’(

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xoxo, S

Thursday, May 6, 2010

LOVE letter

I’m in love.. Am I? hahaha.. I aint sure.. But i hope it’s wrong. I guess it’s not love. Not a real love i want. And I also dont wanna have this feeling for that guy. I want the right one. Well, let’s forget it.

I wanna share a very touchy Indonesian blog. I just read it because it came on my twitter timeline. And then i kept searching about everything related to it. So here it is, Dinda Nawangwulan’s blog. She writes love letter to her husband everyday. Her husband, Alexander Abimanyu, one of the founder of IndonesiaUnite, was already passed away on March 2010. I dont even know them, but i can feel their deep relationship. I’m looking for some articles. I found that they have different religion, but they go for it. Even her husband still marry her though she has two cancers. Amazing, isnt it? :) I cried a little. I found that the husband was completely take her unconditionally. And he taught a lot about life, he made the wife got closer to Allah, eventhough they are different. Awesome lesson comes from this simple blog. About LOVE.

Talking about differences, i give my best prayer to my sist and her bf. I hope they can go for it and through it also. Dont forget to take me to HK or wherever the place when u’re ready to get married..haha ;)

Remember my previous post on Miss Mellow, lots of my girls ended up her relationship. Okay, but one was got back. Yeah,  they’re on again. I’m speechless. What spell does the guy use? I cant see the right things on their relationship. And the very important thing is he gives a bad influence to her. Now what?

*sigh* anyway, these pimples are bothering me!! :(




Saturday, May 1, 2010


May this May brings some encourages and new spirit for me. I really really need it. I need to focus, move and take some actions!! Fight Oh Sue!! :)


Ps : i must admit that today is fuckin hot! arghh, i hate the weather :(