If Only…

I’m in trouble. Like in a real deep trouble. I cant erase the lil’ memories I had with you. Everytime I go to the place we had visited together, everything becomes like dejavu. And it hurts me actually.. I mean, why?

What hurts me is the fact that I couldn’t leave you, at least for now, even after all things that happened before. Broken promises, unsaid words. Why me? I never really opened up to anyone since my last breakup, and now after every commitments between us, you’re just gone. Leaving me, breathless.

What made us grow apart?

With all of my inconsistences, I still think that if you asked me to stay beside you, I might change my mind and let you in my life forever. I don’t care about now, I don’t care that you’re away or ignoring me or I have to wait for you, everything is so worth it just so I can hold you in my arms again.

yes, I told you that I cant be with someone who makes me brokenhearted, but what can I do when my heart told me to survive? heart and brain just really cant work together. haha.

you know I’ll support you no matter how your condition is, just like you take the whole me as I am. you know I really appreciate it.

last quote I wrote on my xmas card, that you might never see. -I wondered whether good things really do happen to me, because after you were given to me, we have to be opposite ends of the earth. now I know that they do happen, because being with you, for just one second, is the best thing that I have ever been blessed with.-

haha, another sweet words from me. once again, I’m such a romantic woman, right?:)) well, I don’t know what will happen next, but I do have a faith that we’re gonna through this.:)

keep praying.

good night, you.

I love you.

I’m Outward Bound!!

Hey, I’m back from OBI!! it’s one of my BDP’s program too, just like the earlier jungle survival. This time, I went to Waduk Jatiluhur for 4 days new adventure! I basically love the activity, except it made my face sunburned. My nose, hand, and feet, they are scary!! Red all over my face! huaaaa!! I don’t want to go out from my room now. Thank God I have cable TV on my kost now.. Hoho..

OBI is Outward Bound Indonesia, a member of Outward Bound international, an organisation for self-development, leadership and something like that. You know, experential learning from outbound activity. I love the tagline : TO SERVE, TO STRIVE AND NOT TO YIELD. :)

So, we went on Feb 14th, where we’re supposed to celebrate Valentine’s Day, though I didn’t have someone to celebrate with. lol. First day after we arrived at the OBI’s camp, we were divided into 2 teams, Alpha and Bravo and I joined the Bravo team with other 10 people, and Zaki as my instructor. We had 3 guys and big women in our team. Cewe2 kelas berat hampir masuk ke Bravo smua! haha.. Fyi, we managed our bag with clothes and other things in one bagpack! You know, that super big backpack that has half of my height. haha.. except our clothes, we put the sleeping tent, raincoat, stove, and other camp things inside, and it was really really heavy! haha.. Buat pemanasannya, kita main game2 kecil ttg keseimbangan, teamwork, sama yg jatuhin badan ke belakang trus ditahan sm orang 1 team itu. Abis itu kita nyebrang ke pulau lain buat high rope activity. It’s pretty same with another highrope, except it was our friends who hold us with the rope, so they become responsible for our life. haha. Ada 1 bagian yg beda banget!! jd kita suruh jatuhin diri ke 1 tali gitu posisi tengkurep trs ngesot disitu nyebrang ke pohon laen. huaaaa… scary but fun! sedikit kepleset di bagian ban abis tangan udah berat banget udah gitu mau berdiriin badan berat banget lg.. hoahahaha.. But I finished it anyway, awesome! Rasanya udah beda dr highrope terakhir yg di Magelang itu, less afraid here, as I see everyone could do it too, so did I! :) Selesai highrope, team bravo pindah ke pulau lain, we built our tent right before the storm coming.

Yang beda di OBI, disini ga ada mata air atau wc, jd ya mau pee or pup kudu dimana aja, gali2 pake sekop. LOL. Untung selama disana gak ‘bernyanyi’!! :)) Beside, we cooked our own breakfast and dinner. Built our own tent. Everything by ourselves, termasuk narik2 cano yg berat itu. Haha..

Day 2. and 3 practically. CANO! all day CANO! Paired up with Lily, lumayan lah ada yg kelebihan tenaga. Hahaha.. Sebelom bercano sih ada acara latihan ngedayung, sm latian capsize aka jatuh ke air. Gimana cara nolong temen yg jatuh ke air juga. Pertama sih kano yg kebalik itu hrs kita tarik ke cano kita, trus dibalik di atas cano kita, baru orang2 yg jatuh naik ke cano mereka. Dan narik cano nya itu sangat2 berat, plus mau naikin bokong ke cano juga berat. Haha.. Intinya sih 2 hari itu cano dari pulau ke pulau, cari bendera, dan kita cuma dikasih peta waduk, clue koordinat, sama kompas. trus tar ukur2 koordinat sendiri. Kalo nyasar ya wassalam, untungnya sih ada perahu bargas tukang bawa makanan.. hahaha.. Pas hari pertama itu pas panas2nya, ngedayung sambil ngos2an banget.. Menjelang sore tenaga udah abis ditambah angin kenceng dan ujan rintik2 sebentar. Lengkap lah sudah penyiksaan itu. Thank God we arrived in the afternoon, menjelang gelap. Abis itu langsung ujan deras lagi! Malem pertama badan berasa sakit semua. Mau gerak aja sakit semuaaaa.. Tapi abis cano hari kedua udah ga sakit. Bener kata instrukturnya, obat pegel2 ya cano-ing lagi. Hehe.. Malem ketiga itu kita ada solo night, ceritanya disebar di hutan sendiri2, bangun tenda dr ponco, trus disuruh tidur, eh refleksi diri denk. Haha.. Not afraid of ghost, but I was afraid of the animals! Jadi mau tidur ga bisa2 gara2 kaki gatel2, pdhl ya udah pake kaos kaki loh. keterlaluan.. Selain banyak nyamuk, aku menemukan semut, laba2 besar di atas kepalaku persis, dan kaki seribu di dlm kain baliku! Pas banget mau ganti celana pas aku bangun trus cek tas, eh tu laba2 udah nemplok di tas. Horor. Untung blom sempet ngerembet2 ke mukaaaa… Kalo kaki seribu ditemukan setelah aku berasa digigit something yg cekit2 banget, trus lgsng periksa2 dan tyt tu kaki seribu ada di kain baliku.. Bener2 luar biasa.. Alhasil sekarang ni kulit ada bintil2 merah dan sedikit gatel2. –____– Anyway harusnya kan dibangunin lagi jam setengah 4 pagi pake peluit dari si akang, tapi entah mengapa sebelom itu kita udah denger2 peluit, dan ternyata itu baru jam setengah 1 aja. Untungnya sih kita ga disuruh balik ke dalem, abis semua ponco udah dibongkarin! gile aje suruh bangun lagi.. akhirnya cuma disebar lagi di depan, tapi tidur tanpa tenda. Hahaha..

Last day. Bikin rakit dari bambu + drum plastik. Hohoho.. Another fun thing to do! I loved this part and we were going through! Rakitnya ga tenggelam plus we reached the finish line just in time. Awesome :) I love my team!

Well as I can say, OBI is way more fun than jungle. Disana berasa capeknya sih, tapi begitu pulang biasa aja. Masih berasa lebih capek jungle. Yang nggak banget ya cuma satu, efek sunburn in my face. Yeah, you better hide your skin with everything! you don’t wanna be this red tomato..T____T

Thanks to my instructor, Zaki, for his help and protection during our OBI time. Akang2 Sunda yg logatnya masih super sunda, tapi bacaannya berat2. Haha.. So funny that he confused when we said bossy and moody. LOL. But he’s good, I mean to motivate us and his quotes, his positivity. Thank you.

What I get from OBI? That we can do all we want when we believe we can. We can break our limit, outward the boundaries, I think that’s the point. Also, keep yourself positive, say positive words, show some positive spirits, it helps everytime! One thing again, never ever stop show your gratitude to God, because He’s been real good to me during OBI time. Waktu hujan rintik2 di tengah danau plus angin kenceng itu, I prayed to God to stop it, and it stopped. Hari kedua cuaca bagus banget, sinar matahari ga langsung nyengat. Pas solo night yg awal ga hujan, hujan cuma rintik2 trus baru bener2 ujan pas kita smua udah ngumpul di tenda bareng2. Dan hari terakhir itu, badai plus kilat dateng pas kita udah pembubaran. Ga ngebayangin kalo kita masih cano-ing. Ah, thank you God for every little thing. So you know, my God is so great. :)

If your organisation want to join this program, don’t hesitate to open their website : www.outwardboundindo.org

 

xoxo,

CNY 2012

Hello dear readers!!

Is this my 1st post in 2012?? ow yeah, it is.. I just don’t realize I already left my blog for quite long time. I’m pretty busy (not at the office of course), but pretty busy contemplating my heart. Haha.. If I can say in Indonesian, GUE GALAU MAKSIMAL!! :)) I keep clicking on the same page and waiting for the same person everyday, if I’m not in love then I’m an idiot. Hehe..

Well, a lil review for my CNY time!! Had a family trip to Bandung! yeay! Had so much fun with them! :) Mom and my bro went to Jakarta first, and then with me and my sis, we were going to Bandung together. We played bowling together, for the first time I guess hehe.. and my mom is still strong!! She beat me and my sis.. hahaha.. Ahhh, how I miss to spend fun time together with them. It’s been really long.. We should have another game someday.. Soon!

In Bandung, just like another CNY, had dinner with my big family in my grandparents’ house. We had our 4th generation already since my grandparents, I’m the 3rd. Hehe.. Two kids on the left are the 4th generation! They are my nieces! En-En and Baby Jen, so cute right? :) While the woman in checked-shirt is the 2nd generation, the rest are the 3rd! Haha!

Anyway, I’m cutting my hair short! Pretty sad but I already bored with my long hair. Now since it short, I want my long hair back. Humannnnnn… Never satisfied.. Hahaha.. :p

The first month in 2012 has been very hard and stressful for me.. I was in the up and down condition, and I kept think about that over and over again, just not like me at all. It’s just a domino effect from my main problem I guess. But after that, another problem came. Well, I admit that sometimes I do the wrong thing, but it comes with a reason of course. So sorry for someone who may hurts reading my silly tweets, but yeah, you broke my limit. I hope we’re doing good next time.

Cant keep the bad things affect me! Still have lots of amazing plan for the rest of the year! Surprise me! For now, I’ll just walk with my God, He has the best for me. I’ll just wait patiently and faithfully. KOWAWA!\(´▽`)/

 

xoxo,

2011 Kaleidoscope

In the first couple months, I was just busy spending time and having fun with my greatest friends in Jogja : Chries, Ling, Evan, Voodoo, always in my heart.. *najis gak* hahahaha… and of course another gorgeous fellas!! I miss you guys!! :* We were exploring Jogja’s restaurants and also another cities near Jogja, it was really fun! Eating, playing cards, monopoli-ing, camwhoring, I really miss those things!! =) Also making a birthday surprise which is sometimes really absurd haha..

So, after every denying and phobia, after so many years, I went to the dentist! Hahaha.. ain’t afraid no more!! LOL

I GOT A JOB!

and this was another happiest moment in my life, what I’ve been waiting for and fighting for. Thank You Jesus for your blessings! Got a lot experience from the office, hiking in the forest for the first time, didn’t go shower for 5 days, dancing in front of the directors, it’s been a blast! =) But the most is because I have new family here :

BDP 14

-Agnes, Dila, Dira, Bella, Dewox, Ngae, Arya, Ivan, Lily, Choky, Gio, Mami, Monche, Nnx, Nat, Ricky, Rizga, Sam, Sety, Tamim, Ve-

First time! Watching international concert of my favorite artists!! Bruno Mars and Train!! Woohoo!! Both of  them were great n very entertaining!! Already have concert schedule for next year : NKOTBSB and Gaga! Let’s roll baby!! :))

What’s different on this year?!

The happy feeling of having my own money, buying things with that. Haha!! And the sad feeling in the end of the month, LOL. I admit that I’ve spent a lot, I feel like I go shopping almost every week! –____-  Note! Note! This will be one of my 2012’s resolution, I MUST LEARN TO SAVE MY MONEY! Haha.. :D

Being far from my hometown for quite long time. I went to Jakarta on July and never go back til Christmas. So yeah, spent my birthday without my family. I never wanted to go back to Jogja, but I’m kinda miss Jogja when I’m in Jakarta, I miss the foods!!

It’s been A YEAR OF BLESSINGS. I couldn’t stop say thank God for everything happened in this year. I feel completely blessed, there are so many grace in my entire life this year. I feel like He always gives me His help in the very right time. Never stop being faithful to Him, search Him and everything will be added to you :)

Last but not least, another happy moment is meeting you, my baby buncit, AOM ♥ See you soon! :*

 

Welcome 2012!! xoxo!

BC* Days

I love taking part in a big event :) So for about 5 months in BCA, I already took part in 2 events.. haha.. Free dinner and fun ambience!

The first one was for BDP’s graduation ceremony, it was held to celebrate the graduation of BDP 1 until 8. Actually they already finished the first year long time ago, don’t know why it took so long to celebrate it. And the next graduation will be held in the next two years!! Which is gonna be my graduation too.. Hahaha..

So I was dancing with some friends from my class, Kalimantan Dance called Giring2, also Papua Dance. and another dance for closing part. Hahaha.. I was quite nervous at the opening dance, because the only audiences were the board of director and another important guests.

The next event was a national seminar about Indonesian economy. Well, I was just being an user for the guest, registering them to the list. It was pretty busy and too crowded to be handled. The layout was very disorganized. Hufh.. I believe the guests were also unsatisfied. But I guess the event itself went pretty well, the sources were good, they gave great informations about economical class in Indonesia. I didn’t really hear the presentation lah. I was busy camwhoring all the time, lol.

Cant wait for the upcoming event!! Wish I can take another role there! haha..

 

xoxo, S